I am retiring this blog

Since my move to the countryside and considerably improved health, I am launching a new company called LoveFre.sh. I have decided to stop blogging as Colt - in fact, I'm only using it as my gaming name now - as it began - because I don't want to be annonymous anymore.

I will start my new blog soon but in the meantime, I am using my Tumblr blog http://spoff.tumblr.com.

Incidentally - the same good health and start up plans have forced me back on to Facebook.
Feel free to 'friend' me :) I'm on there under my real name, Mark Spofforth.

Audioboo / Milestone

Small holding.

Currently making plans for a small holding. This would be a dream come true. It's complicated by a fear of recurrent illness - but the fact remains, I am far more fortunate than many who suffer from Depression or anxiety related illness. I have a supportive family and opportunity to work again - doing something that fires a passion in me. I have asked myself whether I'm rushing forward into something I am not fully recovered enough for - and frankly, the answer is, I am really in need of purpose beyond recovery, rushing or not, I want to take the opportunity while it presents itself (the farm next door has just vacated). It seems like this planned element of our future is one worth accelerating to reality.

And so Cameron's first victims are... an excellent piece by Johann Hari

Not usual for me to post politics. However, Johann Hari writes with such clarity and sense that I wanted to record it here. Recommended reading. Especially if you remember the 1980's! I worked in mental health services back then - for 4 years at Mind. If you think mental health care is underfunded and badly organised now ... just you wait. It's going to get ugly.

And so Cameron's first victims are... : Johann Hari

Goodbye Facebook

I am no longer on Facebook. Well, strictly speaking, I'm no longer 'activated' - Provided I don't log in again for 14 days, my account will be deleted. I suppose it's their idea of a cooling off period. It would make sense if this was a decision made in a moment of rage. It's not though. It's something I've been considering since I took a new look at my use of social media and decided to close all those services that I don't really use.

Sick and tired of having to keep an eye on my privacy settings - and concerned by their use of data mining. The only thing stopping me was the possibility of losing touch with people. However, there is a contempt for users becoming apparent, as the zero's after the dollar sign mount up.

I don't particularly like the service, and find twitter and my tumblr blog serve my needs well - social and media. Audioboo covers my audio needs nicely. YouTube, Flickr...they are all great tools for their jobs. I see the Web as my social network - not one particular corner of it.

If you wish to delete your facebook account, click here.

Finally, here's a message supposedly from Facebook's CEO Mark Zuckerberg, back when he started the site. 

Installing Steam on my MacBookPro

Portal is the first game available to download. Unfortunately, it's sooo good, the whole world is doing likewise. Expect slow download times as steam servers struggle to cope with demand.

http://store.steampowered.com/public/client/steam.dmg

Claudia Spofforth: Friendly Northerners

Claudia Spofforth: Friendly Northerners

Bye Bye Buzz #gFail

Google Buzz didn't work out for me.  I've packed up and deleted my account.

It's appeal - a forum without portfolio, was eventually it's downfall.
Seldom moderated threads turned easily into flame wars.
The loudest opined with startling arrogance. Trolls roam unchecked, usually justifying themselves with some bollocks about free speech or their horror that 'lilly livered liberals' dare to tolerate and accept, rather than rage against those with different views.

It's vaguely possible to ignore the idiots. You can block them from your own Buzz. However, you are guaranteed to run into them on another thread, since the 'block' feature is really more of a 'try to avoid' feature. Ill thought out and poorly implemented. I'm really not about to start sending PM's to others on Buzz bitching about someone they are allowing to troll their thread. That's effort that shouldn't be needed. Social tools are supposed to be easy.

For me, when earlier today I had personally offensive bile spat in my face, it was a simple decision. There are far better social mediums, where I can concentrate on being social without having to stumble across ignorant, racist, homophobic bigots with a very twisted,  aggressive take on the world. Actually, I don't mind stumbling across them - they can be mostly ignored. However, I very much mind when they launch personal attacks.

I don't come on line to be anti-social. I want to engage with people, positively and with respect. I take care to moderate what social media I consume. When a service fails to provide the tools to do this, it stops being social and becomes an irritant.

The Drugs Don't Work

A subject too complicated and personal to be served by text. Here's an audioBoo I recorded to pose a question. If you can be bothered to listen to it all, then I value your opinion.

I'm not proposing the drugs don't help - or that I stop them without doctors guidance. I'm just suggesting that daily thoughts, weekly appointments and monthly reviews, along with CBT and CAT can only really guarantee one thing - that my life remains full of reminders that I have suffered a mental breakdown and am considered mentally ill.

My new life, away from the stress of London living, in peace and with no urgency at any point, is anxiety free, stress free, depression free....and currently Psychiatrist free. I'm due to sign up with the health service....and frankly, I've found my closer proximity to family, fresh air, exercise and quiet are doing more for me than any of the 'mental health services' I've been offered could.

I'll leave the rest for the recording. I don't want to feel like a victim / patient any more. I want to move on. I'm not 'in denial' - I know i'm suffering from a mental illness and will go straight to the doctor if the panic attacks return, or the self isolation,....or depression. I'm not stupid. What I am sick of though, is having a life dominated by a kind of 'patient psychosis'. It's made worse by the shoddy state of mental health care provided by the NHS. I can do without it I think....and if I get a little low, there's always my vegetable patch to talk to ;)

One Man and His Dog

......or 'Caught Napping'!

Claud snapped this after I'd finished 2 days hard work on the garden in our new house.
Thought I'd post it - it's significant because it sums up our new life. I'm relaxed and exercising loads - gardening, running with poppy, lifting stuff, and going for walks. I'm outside, alot. I spend my day whistling rather than trembling, as I did for the last two years in our London house.
I am even relaxed enough to just sit back and snooze outside. It won't mean so much to anyone reading - but for me, it's a marked change! I'm loving it.